As a child, one of the first things you’re taught is to make friends. This could be as simple as sharing a crayon with someone when you were in kindergarten, or maybe being on the same sports team as someone in high school.
What makes you hold onto the friendships in your life? For many, it’s due to the amount of time that’s been invested into a relationship. For others, it’s the amount of shared experiences that give them moments to reminisce on. Though these may seem like they are concrete reasons to stay in a dynamic, they are also factors that hold people back from “taking inventory” of their friendships. The same ways that we’re stricter in our professional and romantic relationships should be how we approach our friendships. The concept of the desire to want better for yourself isn’t just in those areas of your life, it should also be in your interpersonal relationships too. It’s natural for relationships to take new forms and shift in dynamic, but as this happens it’s important to ask the question— does this relationship still serve me?
Changes in a friendship can be attributed to a wide range of factors such as proximity, family obligations, career moves, or even finances. No matter what the specific factor is, it’s important for it to be taken into consideration as you navigate these relationships. Another underrated factor that many people don’t always want to face is personal growth. As we’re navigating changes in our personal life, sometimes we forget that how we experience things in life or may choose to go about our life experiences add to the advancement of one’s character or maturity level. No one person’s life experience is the same and depending on what factors differ between you and your family may determine whether or not you two are growing together or growing apart. Sure, you could tell your friend about your life experiences, but do they really understand what you’re conveying or supply you with the support you’re looking for?
One’s personal routine also may impact how they navigate their friendships. If they are someone that doesn’t strike a good balance between their romantic relationship and platonic ones this could lead to a disconnect in the friendship. This can also show up in long distance friendships where transparent communication should be emphasized. As well as, empathy and attempts to adjust to shifts as necessary.
Despite valuing meaningful connections and authenticity, Gen-Z in particular has reported the highest rates of loneliness and lack of friendships. According to poll conducted by Ispos, Gen-Z reported had overall loneliness score of 48.3, above all previous generations. This means that not only as a generation is there a struggle with gaining the friendships you desire, but that there could also be a gap in knowledge on how to navigate them in the midst early adulthood with cultural shifts that other generations didn’t have to deal with. While the natural instinct may be to pull away from friends, and focus on yourself in this season, certified friendship coach and author, Danielle Bayard Jackson, argues that this should actually be treated oppositely. “You don’t need to separate yourself from friendship because you’re trying to get your [emotional] maturity together, being in community helps you to develop those things,”
In her conversation with GU, Jackson further explained that the relationships you have are not only a testing ground for growth, but that mistakes happen regardless of age. This could be if you handled a situation in the wrong way and feel remorse, or maybe you’ve forgotten a special occasion for someone– awareness and accountability are the first steps in the right direction towards emotional maturity taking place, Regardless of what stage you’re at in life, it’s important to prioritize friendships because not only of the social support and community that is provided to you but the impact it can have on your life. While not widely discussed, friendships have the potential to impact both your physical and mental health. Studies have found that friendships have the potential to impact both your physical and mental health. From cortisol levels to heart health to sleep patterns, the health of your relationships can be a direct factor to your personal health.
Gen-Z is uniquely facing the challenge of having to navigate friendships and build relationships for the first time in their life without school backing them. After graduating, you no longer have the commonality with others of a shared space. This is where one’s evaluation period of what’s working or not working comes in. “I would encourage anyone who is Gen-Z to look at how the digital sphere has been helpful to your friendship, and the ways it’s been hurtful,” Jackson continued in her interview with GU. This is where a friendship audit comes into play. This strategy allows for you to determine what friendships need support, which types of friends you may want to look for, and what friends you may want to create distance with.
Sitting back, and identifying within each of your relationships which areas that are going well, and areas that could use some work will help drive direction on what may need to happen next. Between each area, one should also consider if these are things that can be maintained or should they be done away with. For example, if you’re someone who is bad with texting back, but you’re in a group chat with your friends and always feel behind is it worth introducing another form of communication? Maybe you’re someone who had a rough patch with a friend due to a lack of time to commit to the relationship, exploring new ways of connecting with them may seem ideal. Striking the balance between energy provided to yourself and others is never easy, but it is important when doing a friendship audit to understand what expectations your friends are holding you to. Are they realistic for what you have capacity for? Relationship changes shouldn’t be a reason why your friendships become tense or your health waivers, conducting an audit will help you to make decisions that your future self will thank you for.