Traditional models of dating typically require you to find your person through mutual connections or face-to-face in a shared environment. But nowadays, dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble are rising in popularity, as people seek to find their forever soulmate or a new casual fling.
Not many people are accidentally bumping into their forever boo anymore. In fact, in the U.S., about three in ten people have used an online dating app or site, with more than half of those users being under the age of 30.
Choosing an App:
When seeking the ideal dating app, community psychologist and researcher Dr. Hareder McDowell says not all dating apps are one-size-fits-all. She compares online dating app profiles to job applicants — the apps simply offer a more personalized algorithm and a larger sample size to choose from, which can sometimes make it easier.
“It all depends on what your goal is while using the application,” McDowell tells GU. “Are you wanting to make a digital connection and [are you] open to the surprises that may come with the in-person meetup after narrowing down your choices? Or are you hoping that words and photos on the application match what you get in real life? Either way, you determine what is the most efficient use of your time, and applications [on dating apps] can save you time.”
There are dating apps to fit specific preferences or needs. For example, Christian Mingle offers a selection for those looking for religious-based dating, or for income-based dates, Tawkify may be the way to go. However, with any dating app, there are some standard practices to ensure you stay safe and find what you’re looking for. For those looking to try dating apps, Keishorne Scott, author and relationship coach, recommends establishing what you’re looking for offline, first. While dating apps can be effective for many people, it’s important to establish your “why” behind using the app. Before building your profile or swiping left or right, users should figure out if they are looking for a long-term relationship, casual hookups, or friends. They should also create a list of what they want to avoid to prevent aimlessly swiping out of boredom and matching with someone who doesn’t fit their preferences. This can foster honesty and avoid future disagreements.
“Be clear on what you want in a relationship, something casual, or just meeting people,” explains Scott. “Please, do not be dishonest; there are real people with good hearts out there looking for genuine connection and love.”
The Profile Picture
Once you’ve established that dating apps are right for you, it’s time to set up your profile. Scott tells users that first impressions matter the most. When people land on your page, what catches their attention? What do they see? The photos should reflect the person you are and the story you want to tell.
“Have some clear, recent photos that actually look like you,” he explains. “No heavy filters…and just take solo pictures.”
Blurry photos on a profile don’t give a clear view of who you are and can be dangerous in the long run. While you should put your best face forward, McDowell also recommends not using photos that only showcase you completely made up.
“Do not provide a picture of a day when you had your makeup professionally done, with the perfect waist trainer, a filter, and an angle, because that is not you in real life. That picture is not reflective of the average day nor the average date look. This is unfair to those selecting your photo.”
On the contrary, she also tells people to be mindful of your profile picture’s background. It shouldn’t showcase an unclean space, as that could lead to unnecessary judgment.
The Bio
If your profile picture catches the attention of a possible interest, you’ve done half the work! The next step is to showcase your personality through your bio. The saying “beauty gets the attention, but substance gets the ring” reigns true, according to Scott. For those looking for a deep connection, a person’s bio is more than likely the place where someone will go to learn a little more about your likes, dislikes, and future goals to see if sparks will fly.
Your bio should be error-free, void of any misspelling, mixed messages, or vague responses. Scott recommends avoiding traditional profile sayings like, “I like to have fun,” “I like to travel,” or “I’m a people person.” Instead, get a little more specific by telling a story or recalling an event.
“Your bio should be interesting; you have to give people something to talk about,” he says. “Do not treat this like it’s a LinkedIn profile page or something being printed in an ad booklet or a biography being read before you are presented an award,” notes McDowell.
Instead, you can talk about where you are from, the top songs on your playlist and what that means to you, or a recent adventure you took. This shows you have some depth outside of a potential relationship. When matching, pay attention to how they interact with you based on the information given. If they ask genuine questions about what you wrote, or show interest in a story you told, this may be a sign to move forward.
Deepening a Connection
So, you’ve found someone you think you could potentially be interested in. Congratulations! The goal of dating apps is to find your person (or people!) and eventually be in the position to delete the app. After consistent chatting on the app for a recommended 7-10 days, both Scott and McDowell recommend video chatting via FaceTime or WhatsApp before meeting up in a public area.
Public areas are a great way to stay safe when meeting someone for the first time. For first-time video chats and in-person meetups, keep it low-pressure, they say. Going for a walk in a park or visiting a local coffee shop or bookstore are all acceptable first-time date ideas. Though it’s a time to gather more information about a person, you don’t want them to feel pressured into thinking it is a job interview.
“Remember, a date is not an interview, but it is an opportunity to learn about the other person more intentionally,” explains McDowell. “Always be prepared to be authentic with your questions and answers, make sure you listen as much as you talk, do not judge, and make anyone feel like you are offering or looking for perfection that does not exist.”
Likewise, if a person wants to avoid video calls or never wants to meet in person, this could be a clear sign they aren’t interested or they are trying to portray someone they are not. Use caution when meeting up with someone for the first time and always make sure you share your location with a trusted individual.
Dating in real life or on an app doesn’t have to be scary. With the proper practices, the right tips and tricks, and the right person, dating can be an enjoyable experience.