In the age of Reesa Teesa storytimes and daily dating discourse, any romantic stage of your life can impact your finances. Whether married or openly dating, paying attention to how relationships affect your future is essential. This differs from a conversation on who pays for dinner on the first date or other surface-level debates. Instead, it’s meant for you to consider how money, our goals and aspirations and our definition of self-worth play a part in our connection with others.
Having the money conversation begins way before you open yourself up to dating. In fact, Markia Brown, a Certified Financial Education Instructor and Registered Financial Associate at The Money Plug, tells us that we should have reflective conversations with ourselves about our finances before we decide to bring someone else into the picture. It’s important to know your personal relationship with your finances and your goals before you hop into the dating pool, Brown says. This way, when you begin to date and eventually enter into a relationship, you won’t be influenced by someone else’s goals or standards.
Brown recommends asking yourself questions like, ” What do I want out of life financially? What have I been through already that I don’t want to repeat? What are some bad habits that I want to work on?”
These questions and more can aid in your self-discovery and create a balanced romantic relationship in the future. Though money should not define a person’s self-worth or self-esteem, it can be a compass for where you see yourself going. Once you establish those boundaries for yourself, inviting a potential boo or partner into the conversation may be easier. Starting the conversation with this person doesn’t have to be scary or intimidating. It allows you to see where your potential person places their value. Do they simply want to be in the relationship to flex and show off on social media? Are they actually interested in getting to know you as a person and building a bond?
You don’t have to jump right into asking a new person about their credit score or long-term debts immediately, but Brown suggests using conversation cards to spark up the topic of finances. Even questions about short- and long-term goals or love languages can give you a sense of what the other individual is aiming for financially. These questions may allow you to see if you are compatible with this person or how to best plan for a future relationship with them. Asking questions that are unrelated to a person’s financial status is a great way to lighten the conversation while still being mindful of money.
As we may know far too well, our financial statuses are not set in stone. There can be moments in your relationship where special circumstances like losing a job, paying off debt, or saving can occur and interrupt the normal flow of your finances with your partner. Maybe you aren’t able to go on as many dates as you would normally or take that big baecation at the end of the year.
Again, Brown recommends simply having a conversation when something like this occurs. Though it may feel embarrassing, money is not the totality of your or your partner’s self-worth. To make it less awkward, she suggests sitting down and talking about your finances every month or every quarter to see if anything has changed. This is when your partner can be a listening ear to help resolve some of the feelings and emotions surrounding your current financial situation. Remember, as you grow in a relationship, you should begin to feel comfortable talking about difficult topics. If you find yourself hesitant or avoiding money conversations, then it may be a red flag you should pay attention to.