Have you ever thought about the friend of a friend who gains success on someone else’s dime? Perhaps you are the friend who actively seeks out those who are further ahead in life to learn and grow from. Circumstances like Kim Kardashian starting as Paris Hilton’s personal assistant and friend make for what some would consider destiny swapping.
Destiny swapping is the concept where someone sees the energy or success that you carry and tries to take it for themselves. This can include career opportunities, finances, romantic partners, or other major life changes. For some this may be unintentional, but for others, it is calculated and strategic in their pursuit of all they desire in life. Using the energy of others to validate themselves can derive from the concept of energy harvesting. This is where someone actively tries to leverage your energy and the way you carry yourself for their own personal gain, almost to the extent of someone leeching off another person.
The Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton dynamic serves as a prime, public example of how proximity to power and influence can catalyze a sudden shift in fortunes. While the outcome can feel unequal, this dynamic is more accurately a study in strategic opportunity. In a non-spiritual context, destiny swapping might be simply termed platform acquisition. When one individual provides consistent, unfiltered access to their network, resources, and public visibility, they are essentially handing the other person the foundation for their own empire. This is not always malicious. The strategic individual recognizes the platform is temporary and works quickly to build their own independent infrastructure before the original connection fades. Oftentimes, the person who provides the access simply fails to guard their access points or underestimates the value of their unique position.
Many may not think too deeply into the concept of spiritual beliefs and do not believe destiny swapping is real. Still, there is such a thing as those in your life who drain your energy as a result of their own discontent with the drama or life circumstances they are currently facing. Outside of one’s aura, energy can also equate to where your attention and time is going. Physically, you may feel as though you are genuinely helping out a friend in need with advice, financial support, or by providing them resources as a remedy.
The energy drain associated with these relationships is often psychological. The recipient, consciously or not, keeps the relationship in a state of perpetual imbalance by fostering constant crisis or manufactured drama. This ensures the supportive friend remains focused on them as a source of stability, advice, or rescue. It forces the helper to constantly dedicate cognitive space to solving the other person’s problems, diverting that attention away from their own goals, ambitions, and self-improvement. The true cost of “helping a friend” is measured not just in money or time, but in the mental bandwidth lost, which could otherwise be used to create greater positive momentum in the helper’s life. Spiritually, you may be allowing their negative energy to seep into your routine. This can lead you to focus more on their circumstances, making you take on more than what you may have initially anticipated. In some ways, you take on their burdens while they exchange that for the positive energy and lifestyle attributes that you possess.
Some skeptics believe that destiny swapping is more symbolic than it is a literal practice of energy transference. Social media has conditioned us as a society to believe that starting from the bottom with someone is honorable and rewarding. What happens, though, when you are the one leveling up and your friends are not? This is a common relationship challenge that requires navigating shifting loyalties and differing motivations.
The opposing side to this is that sometimes a person who is in a low place in life may feel as though surrounding themselves with someone who is doing better than them will help them to grow, learn, and be exposed to different options towards a healthier life path. Other times, just having people around for moral support allows someone to feel motivated enough to change their circumstances themselves. Networking or expanding your network for professional gain is a tip that is constantly pushed across various age groups. This is a practice essential for growth and exposure. Although it seems like the most logical route, not everyone truly understands the best methods on how to navigate it. The key difference lies in intentionality and genuine connection building. Without these positive elements, one can lose sight of the humanity that comes with building relationships with others, which is when the dynamic risks becoming extractive.
The critical line between healthy growth and exploitative destiny swapping lies in reciprocity and intention. A true mentor-protégé relationship or an honest networking connection involves mutual respect and a clear path toward independence for the less-established party. The individual seeking growth should demonstrate effort, initiative, and a commitment to eventually contributing value back to the circle. Conversely, the exploitative relationship is characterized by a one-way flow of resources, emotional labor, and opportunities, with the receiver showing no genuine inclination toward self-sufficiency or returning the support. This is the difference between inspiration and appropriation.
Despite good intentions from someone who wants to ‘put on’ all their friends and see them all win, the reality is that such relationships require self-awareness and strong boundaries. Using discernment around the people you surround yourself with makes a difference when it comes to protecting yourself from those that have ill intentions. One should also focus only on the circumstances that one can truly control. For someone who is kindhearted and helpful in nature, it is easy to be taken advantage of and be more susceptible to destiny swapping than the average person. Whether you believe in destiny swapping, the concept helps to remind people to have mindfulness around who they are giving their energy to, whether it is mentally or physically.