In the words of pop legend Cyndi Lauper, “Girls just want to have fun.” More and more women are choosing to do so without the responsibilities that come with motherhood. According to Clinical Psychologist Catherine Aponte, increasing numbers of women are opting not to have children, citing both practical and personal reasons.
Being responsible for another human being is no small task. You might think you’re ready for the responsibility, but imagine this: it’s 3 a.m., you’re running on one hour of sleep, you forgot to prep your baby’s bottle, your support system is either asleep or nonexistent, and you’re woken up by a baby crying at the top of their lungs. Sounds fun, right? According to reports from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the nation’s birth rate has been declining by about 2% each year on average since 2007. This represents the largest annual decline in the number of births since 1973.
Autumn Coleman, a 23-year-old criminal justice major in her second year of undergrad, says she has no desire to become a mother at this stage in her life. Between studying, traveling, and spending time with loved ones, Coleman believes it would be selfish to have a child she couldn’t give the proper attention and care.
“I don’t think it’s selfish for women to not want to have children, especially in today’s society. It’s hard to keep up with the economy, your degree, and everything else like maintaining a home,” says Coleman.
She adds that many women focus on having children but overlook their own well-being and the necessity of providing a safe, supportive environment for their child.
“I’d rather be seen as selfish for not having a child than as a bad parent for not being able to provide what my child deserves,” Coleman explains.
For some, having children is a joyful experience, especially when they have a supportive partner. Unfortunately, many mothers face daily challenges and lack the support they need. Women, like everyone else, are encouraged to make decisions based on what’s best for them, not for the pleasure of others.
So, the question remains: Is it selfish for a woman to choose not to have children? According to Cailyn Reed, a junior at Morgan State University, the answer is a resounding “Absolutely not.” Reed believes waiting to start a family is wise, especially if you haven’t found the right partner or started your career. Like many college students entering their “adult era,” Reed is focused on establishing daily routines, managing a busy schedule, and maintaining a healthy work-life balance. Financial struggles, common for young people in their 20s, add to the challenges. This is likely what SZA meant when she sang, “Good luck on them 20-somethings” in her 2017 hit “20 Something,” from her album Ctrl.
“Inflation is crazy, and the mental space you have to be in to make sure your kids are okay—it’s a lot,” Reed says. “I don’t think women today are selfish for choosing not to have kids. A lot of men aren’t reliable either.”
Pope Francis once said, “Today… we see a form of selfishness.” Speaking at the Vatican in Rome, he acknowledged that some people choose not to have children.
However, for Ada Williams, a mother and nursing student, having a child wasn’t part of her initial plan. But when she had her baby boy, she adapted to motherhood the best she could. Williams told GU that she is expecting her second child in April 2025, and she’s preparing for the additional workload. Williams doesn’t regret having children, but she admits that, in hindsight, she might have waited a little longer.
“I actually broke down in front of my mom when I told her my pregnancy test was positive. I really just wanted to finish nursing school,” Williams shares. “It’s going to be hard, but my mom did it when she was my age, so I won’t stop.”
It’s important to remember that having a child can be life-altering. No matter your financial, mental, or physical situation, your needs and wants often come second to those of your child. So, be smart, patient, and enjoy your youth while you can.
“There’s no rush. Take your time and wait as long as you want,” Williams advises.
About the Author: Shawnia Butler is a multimedia journalist at an ABC affiliate news station, covering stories on crime, politics, accountability, and entertainment. She is passionate about sharing important, engaging stories with the public.