With the news of high-profile romantic reunions coming from all angles, you may feel inspired to shoot your old boo an “I miss you” text. Before you take a long stroll through your past, make sure you’re reconnecting for the right reasons.
Relationships need presence and energy to bud. So count up the costs before you give it another go. With your old love, did the breakup require healing? If so, what kind of healing? Was the split mutual? Are they mature enough? Was there unethical non-monogamy? These are types of questions (among others!) you’ll need to ask, and honestly answer before pressing send.
Feeling weird for even considering a former love? Don’t. I’ve been there before, trust me. Sometimes, you have to follow your heart and hit that u-turn. To guide you, we connected with dating expert Sarrah Rose for tips on a rekindling a romance.
ESSENCE GU: How likely is it that someone will reconnect with their former partner and decide to marry?
Sarrah Rose: These statistics vary between 15% and 50% of couples getting back together. When we develop intimacy with someone, it’s natural to want to give it another try. Most individuals feel conflicted about a breakup and aren’t always confident that they made the right choice.
Read about why today’s young people are more focused on meaningful relationships than marriage.
What are the top things people should know before giving their ex another shot?
1. Give yourself at least 90 days before reconnecting with an ex. This is the time necessary for breakup hormones to fade so that you can make a rational decision.
2. Be clear about the reasons you broke up. Write these down.
3. Determine what has changed about these reasons that will help you succeed if you try again. Write this down.4. If you and your ex decide to give it another shot, commit to relationship coaching or therapy to help you thrive this time around.
What are the pros and cons of reconnecting?
When you reconnect with an ex, you benefit from shared history and know what you’re getting into. You know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. You can communicate honestly about changes you need to make to have the relationship you want. It won’t be easy. You will have to be proactive about change to have a better relationship.
Does the passage of time impact the success of a relationship’s second run?
Yes, it does. If you get back together too quickly, nothing will change, and you’ll be in the same situation you were in before. You need to give each other space and allow change and progress. During this time, work on improving yourself so you’ll be able to have a healthier, more mature relationship. Even if you don’t get back together, you’ll be in a better place for your next relationship.