From your teens to your thriving 60s, it is never too late to consider the critical factors that coexist within the dating world. If there is no clear age at which someone might find love, should there be an age range associated with the different phases of dating? It doesn’t seem honest to ignore certain age brackets when discussing this sensitive topic. So let’s talk about a taboo aspect of dating—does a “hoe phase” really exist?
Some might ask what qualifies as a “hoe phase.” Many describe it as a period in life focused on casual sex and multiple romantic suitors. Others see it as a time of self-discovery to explore sexual preferences without seeking a committed relationship. The term, however, carries an unpleasant undertone because it can reflect a patriarchal double standard, where sexual pursuits are seen as a rite of passage for men while women are stigmatized for similar behavior.
So is there such a thing as having too many sexual encounters for men and women? The lack of clarity around a healthy sexual appetite for women comes from society’s discomfort and limited willingness to explore female sexuality. Many younger generations are also prioritizing personal growth over traditional milestones like marriage, with situationships becoming more common. Studies show that 54 percent of Gen Z men and 56 percent of Gen Z women report never having had a serious partner during their teenage years. Influences from music, reality television, and social media may encourage people to avoid love and potential heartbreak, reinforcing this trend.
Is the “hoe phase” gender neutral? Art often imitates life. In the series Insecure, Lawrence breaks up with Issa and indulges in multiple sexual encounters. Many viewers found it hard to watch, while others felt his actions reflected personal growth in dating. In real life, men are often praised for sexual conquests, while women are shamed for similar behavior. Men may encourage each other to explore sexual endeavors as if they have an uncontrollable sexual drive, but women face criticism for expressing the same desires.
Historically, women exploring multiple romantic pursuits before settling down have been labeled “slutty” or emotionally unstable. The “hoe phase” has earned a reputation as immature, but it can be an opportunity for self-empowerment if guided by personal choice rather than societal expectation. With a focus on self-care and growth, many reconsider the value of commitment. Songs like “Girls Need Love” by Summer Walker highlight how women are socially discouraged from openly expressing sexual desire. There is nothing wrong with embracing sexuality, but does society hold women to the same standards as men?
If the “hoe phase” exists, is it necessary? This period can help people understand that self-worth comes from within and serve as a step in sexual self-discovery. Approaching it healthily requires enjoying sex for what it is without overthinking the future. Detaching the act from emotional connection can be liberating rather than limiting. Sexual freedom should be embraced responsibly, with safe sex practices and honest communication about intentions.
This phase can teach lessons about mistakes, emotional growth, and self-awareness. It can help people understand themselves and others better, preparing them for a potential long-term relationship when the right person comes along.