We hate to be the bearer of bad news, but back-to-school season is approaching. For recent high school graduates, this marks a new chapter full of anticipation and change. As you get ready for college—finalizing your Pinterest dorm mood board, signing up for freshman week activities—the excitement of new beginnings may also bring the bittersweet realization that some of your high school friendships might not make the journey with you.
It can be challenging, but as we all know, that’s just the harsh reality of entering a new era of adulting. However, once you embrace that this is a normal part of growing up, letting go of high school friendships can open the door to new, enriching relationships.
While we’re not suggesting you ditch your high school bestie before move-in day, it’s important to stay open to new experiences and the people you’ll meet in college. In Session 154, “When Friendships Change,” of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, clinical psychologist and founder, emphasized, “It’s important to understand that the evolution of a friendship is a natural part of life. As we grow and change, our relationships naturally evolve too.”
Think back to your high school crew; they were virtually chosen for you. From the same class periods to lunch and extracurriculars, these friendships often formed from a narrow social pool. While they might have been fulfilling, they were largely a result of being in the same place at the same time. However, college is a whole different ball game. It brings together people from different cities, economic backgrounds, and life experiences. As Dr. Bradford noted, this shift allows for the evolution of your relationships.
You might find that you connect with new people in ways you didn’t with your high school friends. Leaning into these changes can lead to richer, more fulfilling relationships and help you discover new aspects of yourself you weren’t able to explore in high school. Welcoming new relationships with open arms means appreciating what was, and being present with your new normal.
As you notice changes in your friendships, addressing them through open conversations is essential. Dr. Bradford advised, “Acknowledge that things will be different and give yourselves space to grieve the changes.” She also suggested, “Have an honest conversation about your concerns as you both navigate this new phase in life.”
For Zaria Gray, a recent first-generation graduate of Appalachian State University, she experienced these transitions firsthand. “In transitioning from high school to college, my friendships changed significantly,” she tells GU.
Her advice for adapting is to get involved. “Join clubs or organizations that match your interests. This is how I met most of my friends.” She also suggests staying connected with high school friends through social media and reminds us to be patient, as forming new friendships takes time. Friendships evolve, and sometimes they end. If you keep a positive outlook, however, it’s not as daunting as it seems. Starting college is a fresh start—so enjoy it and the exciting new relationships that come your way.
About the Author: Tiffany Adams is the creator and Editor-in-Chief of Kulture Magazine, focusing on lifestyle for young Black adults. She brings a unique perspective to her writing, reflecting the diverse experiences of her audience.